this odd feeling.

i dont understand why..i dont understand what is this.havent felt like this since years back.i know that it made me smile more often,and i also know it made me clueless about the situation.what is this odd feeling?its strange but a good strange i guess.do u know how i feel?do u feel the same way too?i've let u know but u would still not let go.what is stopping u?havent u feel how i feel?i really need to make a decision at one point.i cant stay clueless forever.

will it be alrite for me to love u?will it be alrite for me to care?would it be ok for me to hold u?and make u mine?

will u share the same feeling?will u bright up my days?will u smile with me?and take away my pain?

im too deep to fall back.but maybe karma has something to say.but its ok.

will u be mine?
will u love me??

bukan cinta biasa

Kali ini kusadari
Aku telah jatuh cinta
Dari hatiku terdalam
Sungguh aku cinta padamu

Cintaku bukanlah cinta biasa
Jika kamu yang memiliki
Dan kamu yang temaniku seumur hidupku

Terimalah pengakuanku
Percayalah kepadaku
Semua ini kulakukan
Karena kamu memang untukku

Cinta ku bukan cinta biasa
Jika kamu yang menemani
Dan kamu yang temaniku seumur hidupku
Terimalah pengakuanku

-Afgan

the word 'always'..

do u remember the times when u feel so rite about a person and u shout out loud in ur heart "i love you so much"..or maybe while feeling romantic and caught within the feeling,u showed the person how really he or she mean to u.how u would do anything and everything for the person.its a funny thing to think how powerful the word 'always' is.without realizing the power it brings,by saying so it actually does sound more like a pray.

i used to say it a lot in the past.i guess u people must have said the same things too rite.like in the anniversary card u wrote or maybe a birthday card or a text message,"i will always love u".its a strong word.always.

when u say it wholeheartedly and with a pure feeling for a person,u come to wonder.. did u just prayed? kata kata adalah doa, have u heard of it?..i do wonder if it is a pray,and if ur pray had been listened by god,will u love the person always?even if things go wrong?

always..

kelu.

menulis dengan hati yg tiada isi.berat.aku sering di landa pertanyaan demi pertanyaan.dan kerap kali aku kelu sendiri tanpa jawapan.mimpi mimpi yg terlalu abstrak menemani mlm2ku.buntu.aku tidak terase kehilangan.cuma terasa...arhhh!! apa saja yg bermain di minda.aku kebosanan barang kali.

acap kali aku menulis tentang cinta dan kesedihan..bosan dan naik benci dengan diri sendiri.mengapa harus aku terus begini.ku teruskan perjalanan hidup mencari erti.mencari kepuasan,ketenangan dan kebahgiaan.

ku lihat alam sekeliling ku.ku lihat rakan rakan ku yg kini mewah dan berkerjaya.kad undangan perkahwinan tidak putus putus sampai,sedikit mengganggu fikiranku.membuatku sedikit terguris dengan diri sendiri.akan tindakan masa lampau,akan jalan yg aku tempohi.

aku tidak kaye,aku juga tidak gembira.aku akui aku cemburu melihat mereka yg senang dengan kerjaya.membeli itu ini tanpa perlu risau akan poket yg kosong.aku cemburu melihat mereka yg berpasangan,berbahagia walaupon kekurangan harta.sekurang kurangnya mereka memiliki hati berdua.aku cemburui mereka yg tahu jalan hidup mereka.tahu apa yg harus mereka lakukan dan bagus dlm apa yg mereka usahakan.

aku bosan dalam pencarian aku.erti hidup,erti diri sendiri.kadang kala aku terfikir sendirian,adakah cinta itu memberi erti kehidupan untuk aku.aku rasa tidak.namun ia mungkin dapat membantu aku dalam memahami erti kehidupan.aku perlu membuka minda,aku perlu terus mencari walau pon aku sendiri tidak tahu apa yg harus aku cari.aku berdoa agar aku temui makna dalam kehidupan,supaya terus hidup dalam harapan.harapan menemui senyuman penghabisan.

fluke..

shes not as sweet as she seems to be.as my admiration for her reduces,shes just another material girl.all for money.is that what u girls need?money?n lots n lots of money??skip a side moral value,r u girls all about money???im really frustrated with all this pretenders n fakers.u dont even care if the guy is someone's husband..he just flashes cash on u n then u go blind..so silly..yes i do admit money is important in a relationship,but to built a relationship based on money?come on..ur better than this..stop fooling urself..

i wonder why i keep on bumping to these kind of people..is it because they haf given up on love?or maybe they just wana haf fun..i do not know.some may say that there is no good decent guy out there anymore..all of them are taken they say.but hey,open ur eyes wide.we're all here..so u can stop fooling with someone's husbands.im just sick and tired with this kinda shit.im triggered and angered by the idea of money before love.up to u guys out there to decide.its ur life,not mine.

nothing much..

early in the morning..just heard the azan subuh..here i am on my laptop with a cigarette in my hand writing nonsense on my messed up blog..hehe..i can hear bon bon dengkuq!! mcm speed bot! si ijoy plak dok tenyeh idong mcm org main lagu bali je..hahaha..man gak steady..cayalah bang long!we had dinner tonite at uptown..bon bon punye selera makan bole tahan gak laa..perott mcm tongg..he's a good eater.xmembazir bwk bon bon pi mkn.after dinner we went to borneo..ikutkan mule2 nak singgah kejap je..setengah jam je katenye..but we end up dancing till the d.j went home..n we still danced..haha..was fun.n now depa smue da terbongkang depan aku nii..

well let me update a few things here..i find that this semester is a bit hard to coop. tons of assignments plus the noty boy image didnt do much help..i feel i need to clean up my act n get straight to business..well study i mean.i wouldnt want myself to be kicked out again do i?hmm.. this semester i find that its fun making frens.it somehow made me feel young again.not that im old but u get what i mean.most of my frens are getting married and mazlynda is getting married this saturday.congratz!will i be going to her wedding?hmm..we'll see..fali is doing a bbq tmrw nite..he's flying off to dubai soon.good for him.hope for the best.its been a long time since we had bbq at bukit G.we used to go there n just sat there joking while enjoying the city view. those days..it was fun.i guessed we have less time now since everyone have their own obligations n responsibilities.time flies by.

theres nothing much to say here..just a bit worried for this semester.hope it wouldnt turn out as bad as i think it would be..troubled adly..haha.when will he stop messing around..hish..sowkaylah..in time, ill change..later dudess!!

kate orang..

kate orang, bile kitae dah sayang,semua bende kita ketepi..kepentingan diri,ego diri sendiri,susah diri sendiri,maruah diri pokoknya segala bendelah kita ketepi di sebabkan terlalu sayang..

kadang kadang aku terfikir sendiri pasal benda ni.macam mane kita nilai erti sayang itu?atau macam mane kita nilai erti cinta itu?kadang2 cinta itu berbalas,namun tidak memuaskan..kadang2 cinta itu tidak berbalas,tetapi tetap memuaskan..macam mane kita nilai perasaan ini?aku selalu memberi pandangan melalui pengalamanku yang tak seberapa dalam soal cinta ini.byk juga soalan2 yang tidak dapat ku jawab walau pon untuk diri sendiri..

kadang kadang aku tertanye sendiri..bolehkah aku berkahwin dgn org yang aku sayang tetapi tidak semestinya aku cintai..bolehkah?melalui beberapa hubungan aku di masa yang lalu yang hanya berasaskan sayang,telah pon membuktikan yang sayang sahaja tidak dapat memuaskan keinginan ku yang terlalu mementingkan rasa cinta itu.oleh itu buat masa ini aku merasakan bahawa aku tidak boleh hidup berpasangan tanpa rasa cinta..

tetapi ada juga dikalangan rakan2 ku yang mengatakan dan menyatakan bahawa rasa cinta itu boleh di pupuk menerusi masa dan akan meningkat dari masa ke semasa.mungkin ada kebenaran dalam kata kata mereka namun mungkin tidak untuk aku.aku tidak percaya erti pupuk atau pon belajar untuk mencintai seseorang.cara itu bukan untuk aku dan aku terlalu yakin ia bukan sifat diriku.ada dikalangan orang disekelilingku berumah tangga berteraskan persefahamam,keserasian tanpa rasa cinta.ada yang berjaya,ada juga yang merana.sanggupkah aku mengambil risiko yang sedemikian rupa?tidak.

padaku cinta itu datang dengan sendirinya.tanpa diundang.bak hujan di panas yang terik,bak taufan yang datang tanpa diduga.mungkin fantasi cintaku ini agak keterlaluan.tapi padaku ini semua tidak mustahil.seperti cinta pandangan pertama.tidak ramai yang percaya akan cinta pandangan pertama,tapi aku pernah merasa.indah dan sejujurnya tetap indah.bila rasa cinta itu datang,ia selalunya kekal ada..walaupon ada pasang surutnya,ia tetap ada.itu cinta pada diri ku.cinta juga tidak semestinya bersatu.dan kerana itulah aku sanggat bimbang dengan perasaan cinta ini.

kata orang,masa akan mengubati hati yang luka..
kata orang,satu hari cinta itu pasti akan tiba..
kata orang,janganlah terlalu memilih..

kata aku,biar lambat asalkan tepat..
kata aku,biar sakit asalkan jujur dgn rasa hati..
kata aku,biar memilih untuk sesuatu yang pasti..

pendek kata senang cerita aku pon kurang jelas dengan perasaan ini.tapi aku tidak terlalu gopoh untuk mencari kepastian.secara terus terang aku katakan bahawa aku tidak tahu apa yang aku cari dlm erti cinta.tapi yang pasti,aku rindukan rasa itu.yang teramat.rasa itu yang aku rindukan,bukan orangnya.

fantasy living

u wanted something that i can never give u.u knew the consequences but u still want to give it a shot.i am no angel..sorry for not fulfilling ur desire.im not ur knight in shinning armour.no im not.i told u i can never promise u love.not to u.u knew about the girl that had captured my heart, but u still want to be here.im so sorry.it was never meant to be.not me n her,not for u and me.nope..not for all of us.

i realize u like to fantasize and to me some of it sounds too childish.sorry but this is a personal opinion.however,if by doing so makes u feel happy, just do it..keep fantasizing.i hope u will find happiness and success in ur life, i hope that u will find ur true love and finally be cured from ur sickness,n i pray for u to haf a gud life.i dont mean to hurt u,like i didnt mean to hurt those girls that came before u.its just im lost.i dont know what love feels like anymore.i dont know what love is.maybe im living in a fantasy too.with hope that i find the exact type of love like i had before.like when i was only 18.but i dont know.n i dont think i want to know at the moment.

somehow,it still does hurt.the past is not easy to let go even if u want to.but i haf other things to do now.a whole lot of things to do..score well in my exams n get good grades..be successful with my group voce, find a way to make money while studying,be a gud fren to my frens..so that is my focus for the moment..

as for love,ive lost it once,n im prepared to wait a lifetime for it to come again.love can wait.