just like the monsoon,it comes again..

i browsed thru the net wondering what else to surf for when i finally remembered that i actually have a blog.forgot about it for while.been busy with stuff.

so what can i update here tonite.hmm.well i had a blast last nite at lepaq cafe.it was an awesome nite.it was an honour and absolutely great pleasure to watch the old timers,the legend of buskers playing in front of me.i really admire their stuff.n with yesterday's performance, i haf found a new interest and that is to own a cajun!..cool instrument wehh..loving it.

well apart from that performance by the legends, we "voce", had a poor nite..hahaha!!abg ekhsan had gone with the wrong feel to the songs.the arrangements were different than what we had practice but luckily we ended the show with a convinving 3 piece harmony on "so much in love"..was ok laaaa!!

hmm.so what else to write here..its that time again i guess..just like the title, yes it has come again.while searching for reference with my buddy paan, he gave me a song to listen to.just like we always do,studying the song.the first note i heard from that song send shivers to my spine..meremang bulu roma aku..haha!..it was a song that someone gave me before.before she left i mean.the arrangements were a bit different.was a bit more mellow.

its hard when it gets to the end of the year.always reminds me of things..hearing the song didnt do any gud either.if there's a word for what im feeling right now, its JK.while driving back after sending my voce buddies home, i put that number on my radio.i didnt know why i did that, but thats what i did.to be frank,i didnt cry..but my eyes were glassy holding those tears from falling.i managed to do so.until a tear drop on my cheek.and another,and another..and another...

its that time of the year where i come to miss the girl..i missed those beautiful smile so bad.and while writing this post, while listening to the number,im so in touch with the past..it was fun while it lasted.her happy ending is just around the conner,but when will mine come?..i cant answer that..i wish i cud love someone as passionate as i loved her.is it true that u will only find this kind of love once?meaning if u had it once then who ever u marry, u will not have the same great feeling for a person like u used to?is love a fairy tale?i dont know.

what more can i say..let me just share with u the lirics..somehow,it has become one of my favorite.

menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

banyak kata
yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
kepada dirimu

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
sepanjang hidupku

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
kuslalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu
sepanjang hidupku

aku ingin engkau slalu
hadir dan temani aku
disetiap langkah
yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau
kuslalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu

*eventho we cant share the same smile, im glad that u keep on smiling.

unanswered prayer..

The way the things have been going have made me realize an unwanted fact,
you were never meant for me as hard as it is for me to except that,
yes i fell in love with you the moment i saw your face,
even after we went months without talking..

in my mind you held your place,
I had the heart for you then, still this madness is within me,
days pass by and you never come,
this is God's way of making me see..

you were never mine you weren't my answered prayer,
you just happened to show up at that time as for my feelings they came out of nowhere,
i wanted you so bad , I wish you wanted me as i did you,
i never got back much, yet my heart seemed to cling to you..

and in a moment of time has passed until now my hearts realized the truth,
no matter how hard i hold on, God never intended me to be with you..

what am i?

the beginning of my life is plain..
He put colours on my face..
He add characters to me..
He gives me funny things to wear..
sumtimes i put a smile on peoples face..
sumtimes i made them cry..
sumtimes i bore them..
sumtimes i irritate them..
but i keep on trying to please them..
sumtimes they left me..
sumtimes they ignore me..
most of them come and go..
when im broken, He changes the strings and makes me move again..
sumtimes the smile on my face fades thru time..
He came back and drew a smile on my face with a brush..
and people will come,and i'll make them smile and laugh again..
but in time,they will be leaving again..
but i'll keep on being me..
keep trying to please them..
with hope,that they will appreciate me..
this is my life..
a life of a....

24 tahun yang berdosa..

kebencian terhadap diri sendiri meluap memecah segenap bumi..
kebodohan dan kealpaan mengaibkan roh pemberian tuhan..
dengan tiada rasa bersyukur aku menempikkan diri ku ke lorong yg lebih gelap..
aku benci..amat benci..jijik..ku rasakan jijik..

ampuni aku ya tuhan..

rasa hati yang mati

ku puisikan kekosongan hati,
di balik bulan terang ku termenung sendiri,
ku luahkan isi hati ku yang sepi,
di temani bulan yang setia di sisi..

aduhai kasih mengapa kau pergi,
ku rasakan pahit ku rasakan mati,
menyesali diri yg tak berguna lagi,
kau telah pun pergi meninggalkan diri..

malam berganti siang dan surut beransur ke malam,
hidup ku tetap murung dan kelam,
bilakan tenang rasa di hati?
amankah ia di suatu hari?

penat sudah ku terus mencoba,
mencari pengantimu yg tak pun tiba,
ku katakan terus pada diri sendiri,
mungkin bukan masa ku lagi..

aduhai sakit,hatiku perit..
menahan rindu,bak tertusuk sembilu..

dengan hidup ku yg terus xmenentu,
ku khabarkan ikhlas puisi pilu..

kisah cinta yg mati,
dan yang tinggal hanya ku sendiri..

tulisanku ini sekadar memori,
janganlah marah mahupun benci,

mungkin ini ketetapan ilahi..
kau tetap terindah sesudah pun kau pergi..

blue moon..

I wish I could remember who u r now instead of who u were before..
Coz..

Its funny..

I still miss u..

Even though things have change a lot, but something just remain the same.

It cuts..

It bleeds..

It hurts.

What have u done to me? To make me feel devoted to u?or what haf I done to myself to actually feel that way..

Don’t misunderstand how I feel..

I just don’t know why..

I cant explain why its not enuf..

Not enuf to not haf u.

I wonder when wil I stop having feelings for u..

Tomorrow?

Next week?

Or maybe next year?

Such a big presence u bring. Even for a year and a half now. u still remain here.

Shud I forget to love?

Shud I smile for u?

Shud I cry some more?

Maybe I shud just keep trying to ignore..

Stop coming to my dreams..

U bring tears to my face.

apologize

here i am today,to ask forgiveness from you..for all my sins towards you,all wrong things ive done,all the promises ive not kept,every wrong things i said,every word that hurt you,all the details that ive let out..everything,i am truly sorry..

there is no intention to hurt anyone.never is,never was.i can say that i was a bit too emotional back then.i say now,im deeply sorry..

memories are for us to cherish..gud or bad,u haf to swallow it and live with it. i wish not to forget my memories, as it is very crucial to what i have become today..if some may see me today,u'll see a different side of me.u may not see it clearly,but u can see the difference..something,i haf change for the better,but for something else,maybe for the worst.but this is my journey..im still on my way,im not there yet.

to live life with no regrets is something i find hard to do.its not impossible,its just a little bit hard.as i see the road that i have taken,it hasnt been pleasant.

to be positive with what i haf,to what i will become,to what i need in life..i pray that one day i will manage to fulfill my dreams,to be a responsible son,a loving husband,and a wonderful father..

again,from the bottom of my heart,i apologize for all my wrong doings and i forgive if there is anything to be forgiven for..


-mohamad adly mohamad lotfy-