24 tahun yang berdosa..

kebencian terhadap diri sendiri meluap memecah segenap bumi..
kebodohan dan kealpaan mengaibkan roh pemberian tuhan..
dengan tiada rasa bersyukur aku menempikkan diri ku ke lorong yg lebih gelap..
aku benci..amat benci..jijik..ku rasakan jijik..

ampuni aku ya tuhan..

rasa hati yang mati

ku puisikan kekosongan hati,
di balik bulan terang ku termenung sendiri,
ku luahkan isi hati ku yang sepi,
di temani bulan yang setia di sisi..

aduhai kasih mengapa kau pergi,
ku rasakan pahit ku rasakan mati,
menyesali diri yg tak berguna lagi,
kau telah pun pergi meninggalkan diri..

malam berganti siang dan surut beransur ke malam,
hidup ku tetap murung dan kelam,
bilakan tenang rasa di hati?
amankah ia di suatu hari?

penat sudah ku terus mencoba,
mencari pengantimu yg tak pun tiba,
ku katakan terus pada diri sendiri,
mungkin bukan masa ku lagi..

aduhai sakit,hatiku perit..
menahan rindu,bak tertusuk sembilu..

dengan hidup ku yg terus xmenentu,
ku khabarkan ikhlas puisi pilu..

kisah cinta yg mati,
dan yang tinggal hanya ku sendiri..

tulisanku ini sekadar memori,
janganlah marah mahupun benci,

mungkin ini ketetapan ilahi..
kau tetap terindah sesudah pun kau pergi..

blue moon..

I wish I could remember who u r now instead of who u were before..
Coz..

Its funny..

I still miss u..

Even though things have change a lot, but something just remain the same.

It cuts..

It bleeds..

It hurts.

What have u done to me? To make me feel devoted to u?or what haf I done to myself to actually feel that way..

Don’t misunderstand how I feel..

I just don’t know why..

I cant explain why its not enuf..

Not enuf to not haf u.

I wonder when wil I stop having feelings for u..

Tomorrow?

Next week?

Or maybe next year?

Such a big presence u bring. Even for a year and a half now. u still remain here.

Shud I forget to love?

Shud I smile for u?

Shud I cry some more?

Maybe I shud just keep trying to ignore..

Stop coming to my dreams..

U bring tears to my face.

apologize

here i am today,to ask forgiveness from you..for all my sins towards you,all wrong things ive done,all the promises ive not kept,every wrong things i said,every word that hurt you,all the details that ive let out..everything,i am truly sorry..

there is no intention to hurt anyone.never is,never was.i can say that i was a bit too emotional back then.i say now,im deeply sorry..

memories are for us to cherish..gud or bad,u haf to swallow it and live with it. i wish not to forget my memories, as it is very crucial to what i have become today..if some may see me today,u'll see a different side of me.u may not see it clearly,but u can see the difference..something,i haf change for the better,but for something else,maybe for the worst.but this is my journey..im still on my way,im not there yet.

to live life with no regrets is something i find hard to do.its not impossible,its just a little bit hard.as i see the road that i have taken,it hasnt been pleasant.

to be positive with what i haf,to what i will become,to what i need in life..i pray that one day i will manage to fulfill my dreams,to be a responsible son,a loving husband,and a wonderful father..

again,from the bottom of my heart,i apologize for all my wrong doings and i forgive if there is anything to be forgiven for..


-mohamad adly mohamad lotfy-

tiny heartache

i never thought u could blew me away,with the simplest of things,with the way that u are..i never thought i cud haf fallen for u,but now i know that i definitely do.as i thought love will never come too soon,it all started to feel like its too good to be true.u bring me joy and i know im ready.i do all i can so that u wud be happy.cater to all ur wishes and be the best i can be.but now that i know that its all has come to an end,im speechless.

u arrived too soon for u to be going away already..but im not going to stop u.u do what u feel is rite for urself and im proud of u.it was nice knowing u.i haf no regrets.i hope u will be happy with him and i will always be here for u.as i always said to u,im here to make u happy.it has been an interesting event,even for a short period of time.take care dear..

now is the time..

the feeling is just rite..i should end this sadness.or maybe it ended without me doing anything about it.it just did.so i feel in awhile,i will take out most of the controversial posts regarding my life so that i can move on peacefully without continuing to hurt people.im happy,im excited,im fully energized,im fine.

jai talked to me about something recently.never really thought about it for awhile but he made me dream about it anyways..bugger!!but its ok i guess.no harm done.im cool with it.its just that the words that came out from my mouth sounded differently from what i tried to say.well,they understood it differently lah..haha.so if there is a chance,maybe someday in the future,i'll do it differently.but if it wont happen,im still going to do it differently.haha!i feel in life we must have a contingency plan so that we are well aware of things that might occur.just to be safe..not hoping,just playing it safe.

some of my frens are getting engaged and married this year.made me feel a bit old la pulak.haha!as for me myself,i dont quite see it coming in the near future.im not sad about it,im actually cool with it.when it comes,it comes.when it goes..it goes.. :)
so back to the topic..i think my emoness have finally come to an end.and at times i do feel that i have been a bit ignorant and too emotional expressing myself.so sorry to the people that matters.now lets rite something fun..."rghetti pulak aku nak tulis pasal bende hepi2 ni kan,try je la!!"

updates so far

i hardly have much time to write lately..so let me see whats been happening so far.few weeks a go met a long lost fren,been having the same problem as i used to but he handle it pretty well.gud job bro!..been hanging out with boi a lot since we last saw the sweet girl and regret that we did nothing.shiett!!not much partying coz been busy adjusting time for work and my passion..what haf i learn lately..hmm.i've learn that i am not half as i should or ever been..by saying so,there's a lot in me that i havent show.i havent come out and show my true potential..this is my chance to be successful in term of my job,my social life,my love life,my frenship and everything else.all is well.

tonite i feel a bit bored,but its alrite a guess.im not lonely anymore..so thats gud..haha!erm,words of advice la eh..dont ever jump into relationship when ur not ready.pity ur partner for ur feelings are not certain.i did wrong to some people before,so im saying sorry to them.but u know i will alwiz be there to help kan kan..just call me!maybe some people need strength to move on from the previous relationship and that a partner wud really help by jumping into the spot..for some it will work but for others,it might not.so be sure when ur ready.u know ur ready when u dont have doubt with ur feelings.u'll know for sure u love the person.with out hesitation.

i've learn to be more compose and relax..i've learn what to say at the right time,and what not to say.i've learn that honesty is my best trait.i've learn that i love my frens,each one of them.i've learn to appreciate girls better..for whatever they are..no matter special ones,frens,or even strangers..a fren made me realize that i had the best time of my life by being with sum1,but my best in myself has yet to arrive.its true..there are a lot to achieve.and i thought there was no hope..silly me.i find that there is no wrong in wanting to know about the people that u care for,even though the feeling is not mutual.it doesnt mean ur still hoping,it means u care,thats all.

i feel this year cud only get better..just a gud feeling.i'll work for it..weee!!