tears.

i dreamt of u again.warm tears falling down my face.let me tell u how the dream goes..

it was just after our 4th year anniversary..after i made u the card and the teady bear i gave u..the 1st and last teady bear i ever gave u.we were fighting..we were always arguing.but in front of other people eyes,we were so gud together.but in our very heart,we keep on hurting each other.and i finally came to a stand,where i thought drastic measures should be taken to ensure my life ends up with u.i had a fling with a girl.with no attraction what so ever,but just to give u a point to hate me and to set me free..u took it hard this time around.very very hard.and i,tried my very best for the first time to ignore ur love,ur true love from ruining my plans that i hoped so much wud work.i kept the thoughts to myself..i need to be bold,i need to do this rite..i wana marry u,i wana make u my wife..but in order for me to get there,i need to let u go and find myself.i need to be the one that wud make u proud,the one that make u smile every morning u wake up,the one that u have no regrets spending ur life with..i need to let u go.

i kept that thought in mind,holding a brick wall in my head to stop u from breaking in.i was ruthless,i was damn harsh,i was too confident that this plan of mine would work.i came home for the weekend.my brother messaged me that u were at my place since evening..and i only came home about 10pm.i was determined,i was angered by your plans of surprises.u hid behind the curtains to surprise me when i entered the house.i saw u but when u jumped in front of me,i pretend that u were nothing..but in my heart at that moment,"ur cute and u are the most important thing to me".i put on a tired face and trying hard to ignore ur acts..u smiled at me even tho u were aching every part inside.."u made me feel like its worth every moment being alive"..but i just put a dull face.trying hard to act as tho i dont care about u,as tho i have moved on..but the fact that i kept my love in heart,so that u wudnt see it.so that u know this time i mean serious.u were like an angel to me that nite,u set the table nicely for me to eat,u sat beside me,talking very politely,smiling at me when im eating my dinner.."i cudnt eat,im crying inside for u are just perfect for me" i told myself..u kept smiling..u cleaned the table and u washed the dishes.i went to the kitchen to see u,i saw ur beautiful eyes were watery.ur loving caring eyes that showed me its enuf just to haf u n me in this world were red.i saw innocent tears dripping down ur face,i saw u wept,i made u wept,i saw u wept...and it made me weak to my knees..u were still smiling at me while doing the dishes.i hold on my tears and ask god why am i doing this to the love of my life??how cud i!!..u sat with me in my room,in front of the computer while smoking,i pretend that there was nothing to discuss.the decision is final.u were next to me holding my hands,and caressing my hair,and i saw u crying..u were crying like i have never ever seen u cried before.it makes me so weak and torn apart..till today.u were begging me not to end this love.u said to me that we can still work things out and that u will change.we can change.i kept giving u excuses..u hugged me and kissed me and all i do is acted all dumb..heartless.cold.when u went down on ur knees and begged me,i said to myself,"what have i gotten myself into??such an angel,how cud i allow u do that n i do nothing?"..i felt so cruel and hated the situation..i was determined to see u off.u cried and cried and i still remember till this morning,ur face,ur pretty little face.i sent u back home..in the car we talked and u still crying..u kept on crying and i began to lose my faith in what i wanted to do for us..i finally cried..cried because i told u that i need to adjust myself and make my parents proud of me..i told u i need to be somebody for the family..but the fact is i cried for what i've seen u've done for me that nite and the past 4 years we've been together..cried for the way u looked at me with those glassy eyes that ive been kissing with all the love in my heart,cried for that sweet smile of urs that brought me to u at the first place,cried for the way u talked when u were crying,when ur voice got stuck in ur cries,cried for ur every efforts..thats what actually made me cried..i knew it was a big gamble,but i tot it wud turn out my way.i was such a fool to let u do all that and acted so cold in front of u..u deserve better than that..i knew that..but i was such a fool that i've gone mad.after i sent u back,i cried all the way home.thinking about u,having flash backs,thinking about how i was cruel to u,thinking of how uve been gud to me,thinking of the gud times,the bad times..

and here i am,early in the morning,a year after it all happened,still thinking about u and how i got my plans all wrong..if only i didnt think too much,if only the plan was a dream.unfortunately.tears for u..