remembrance

its early in the morning..just cudnt sleep.got my mind on sum things.16sept02.beautiful day,beautiful date..20march lovely day for such a lovely lady.all in my heart at this precise moment is hate.hate the fact that im nothing.may not be nothing but empty.true when i say i have no heart.it can be seen on how many exgf i have lining up..hard cold lifeless monkey.i used to be energetic,funny,loving,and passionate about girls.now,im not half as i used to be.why?cant answer that.this feeling in my heart tells me to run away.run from everything and everyone i know.am i happy?at times..am i sad?in heart.

ur sweet smile still haunts me at nites..at times when i do not even think of u..and its been awhile since i did.to know that ur better off without me,i honestly say i smiled for u..with the most sincere smile i cud give to anyone,i choose to give it to u..but my heart,cries every minute of it.cried for the lost of direction,cried for the lost of perfection.i was perfect when u were around.but now,all goes tumbling down.but i wud still smile for u..even maybe on ur wedding day,i cud share a smile with u..i wud be happy to see u being well taken care off.

cud i ever let u go completely?its been a year long already..i dont need a picture of u to remind me of how u look.i dont need anything..anything but...are u proud or happy to know that im like this? telling me this is all my own doings?or maybe u sympathized me?saying poor adly..he hasnt let it all go? or saying u dont know i loved u this much?..i didnt know i love u this much..and now u know.just like we used to argue on who loves the most..

frens laughed at me..and i pretend to say im cool with it.they told me to move on?if u see the girls lining up in front of the exit door,u'll know that ive been trying..or maybe ive been trying too hard maybe?.when we talk about emotions,feelings,love,im not the macho type of a guy..i speak direct..and very direct i speak.sometimes i get angry when u came to mind.it really pissed me off.sometimes i wish im not here..around people.but sometimes,i wish u were around, just to have a simple chat and a cup of coffee.

i know i dont mean anything to u now..just a history.something i find very hard to erase.i know ur better now without me.and for that matter,let me just pour out my feelings to my writings..thank u,for a wonderful memory..u truly are,eternal bliss..