an end to a challenging 2007

it began with a bang..a dismisal from my uni..my girl left me,all by myself confuse and heartbroken..i was really down.manage to gather myself up for a bit and appeal to readmit..manage to do so..had hard time being all alone for the first 3 months..been crying everynite for the lost of the girl..cudnt even study rite..cudnt focus,missed a lot of classes,been drinking a lot..lost weight,got emitted to hospital for low blood.been using drugs for a bit.crying still.cracked out on the last paper,cried in the exam hall straight to my house..saw things as tho it was the end of everything..felt lost.dont feel like living.manage to patch up with my fren..lovely fanna..its a gud thing.manage to finish my diploma.thanked god.met ayu..lovely lady..wonderful girl,a gud fren..wish her all the best..met few others as well.been blessed with gud frens.enroled to taylors..find it to hard to adjust myself there.quit taylors in 2 months.been trying to get to acting and modelling..challenging.got a part in a series but i turn it down.it was a major lost coz the show was a huge success.been seeing girls,even tho things didnt worked out but still manage to have a gud relation with them.went holidays with frens..that was a blast.been feeling a bit relieve for 2008 is just 1 day away.cant wait for 2008.over all its been an emotional year for me.felt love from frens,partners and family..even tho felt lot of gud joy around,i cudnt deny this little spot in my heart that says,there is still something missing.maybe next year,will find the missing pieces..to 2007,thank u.u've been cruel in some ways but kind in so many other ways..ive learned a lot.

..

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met

One day you'll love me, the way I loved you. One day you'll think of me the way I thought of you. One day you'll cry for me, the way I cried for you. One day you'll want me, but I won't want you

It's amazing how you make your face just like a wall, how you take your heart and turn it off, how I turn my head and lose it all

If you're not the one for me, and I still think you're perfect, think of how amazing it will be to find the one who i will end up with.

Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who wouldn't give up on them

I wish you could look at me and see the person you once loved instead of the person you have grown to hate

How can I promise you forever when tomorrow is so far away from me? How can I dry your tears when I have a bleeding heart inside of me? how can I ever forget you when your name is etched so deep within me?but the way i see now,it begins to fade. hiding under the thick cold blood..

remembrance

its early in the morning..just cudnt sleep.got my mind on sum things.16sept02.beautiful day,beautiful date..20march lovely day for such a lovely lady.all in my heart at this precise moment is hate.hate the fact that im nothing.may not be nothing but empty.true when i say i have no heart.it can be seen on how many exgf i have lining up..hard cold lifeless monkey.i used to be energetic,funny,loving,and passionate about girls.now,im not half as i used to be.why?cant answer that.this feeling in my heart tells me to run away.run from everything and everyone i know.am i happy?at times..am i sad?in heart.

ur sweet smile still haunts me at nites..at times when i do not even think of u..and its been awhile since i did.to know that ur better off without me,i honestly say i smiled for u..with the most sincere smile i cud give to anyone,i choose to give it to u..but my heart,cries every minute of it.cried for the lost of direction,cried for the lost of perfection.i was perfect when u were around.but now,all goes tumbling down.but i wud still smile for u..even maybe on ur wedding day,i cud share a smile with u..i wud be happy to see u being well taken care off.

cud i ever let u go completely?its been a year long already..i dont need a picture of u to remind me of how u look.i dont need anything..anything but...are u proud or happy to know that im like this? telling me this is all my own doings?or maybe u sympathized me?saying poor adly..he hasnt let it all go? or saying u dont know i loved u this much?..i didnt know i love u this much..and now u know.just like we used to argue on who loves the most..

frens laughed at me..and i pretend to say im cool with it.they told me to move on?if u see the girls lining up in front of the exit door,u'll know that ive been trying..or maybe ive been trying too hard maybe?.when we talk about emotions,feelings,love,im not the macho type of a guy..i speak direct..and very direct i speak.sometimes i get angry when u came to mind.it really pissed me off.sometimes i wish im not here..around people.but sometimes,i wish u were around, just to have a simple chat and a cup of coffee.

i know i dont mean anything to u now..just a history.something i find very hard to erase.i know ur better now without me.and for that matter,let me just pour out my feelings to my writings..thank u,for a wonderful memory..u truly are,eternal bliss..

ready or not..

see me now,i realize im not the same person as i were before..i am now cold hearted..i have this difficulty..i tend to block love from coming my way..why do i do these things?maybe i dont feel like im worth loving..maybe i feel afraid of getting hurt again..maybe its just not the rite time yet..but then when??when is the time?i tend to run away when they have fallen for me..such a confuse feeling..haf i not moved on?in parts,yes i haf..i dont imagine myself like before..and i certainly am not waiting for history to come again..but why is it im still here?..a fren told me that i have moved on from the girl,but not from the experience..its been quite sumtime now..been trying and trying to no avail..for how long must i try?i do not know.not sad,but very tired.