cruelty is no faulty

u might probably see some sappy entries in the nearest future.as i have always did, writing my way out of sorrows.

for some people,they like to twist things to the other side making it look like its your fault when in actual fact,it was not.i am a very reasonable guy with a very flexible mind.i feel like i'm a very understanding person when it comes to relationships.the idea is to put your partner ahead of you.by showing that u are devoted to making the best of things for your partner.i have always tried to give my best in relationship, though in studies i couldn't say i did the same thing. its probably because of my nature that treasures the experience more than the knowledge spoon fed to us.to me, it felt real and no one can take your experience away from you.it is truly yours.

about the title, what i want to say here is the idea of making cruelty ok. in context, cruelty that im talking about here is about cruelty towards partners or lovers if i may say.in the past i may have done something bad that made me the way i am to day.i am at the receiving end of what i call cruelty is no faulty.i feel i have been hard done by, i feel i have been in some way been made a joke.as though its alrite to hurt the feelings that u call your love.

i have always entered a relationship with honesty,genuine feeling for the person, and truthful.but its probably god's way of making me understand that sometimes,even how hard you try to make things work, it was never meant to be. 'redha' is the term that i need to digest.'takdir' is what i need to believe in.i don't think i should complain much about why i feel i've been mistreated.but it is always sad when u give your best shot and came out empty handed.

as this journey hit a bumpy road, i don't know how it would end.maybe i just need to keep swimming until i see the shore, even all i see is water.

i don't respond well to lies.

it struck me today that i actually had a big issue addressing this one particular characteristic called lie. Being a P.R student with the ambition of having a successful career in the communication industry, i find that i need to be able to withstand the deception and lies in the working field.i need to be prepared to handle working politic stress with intelligence and patience. falling under the zodiac of Leo who is drawn more towards his emotions,ego and stubbornness,it will definitely won't help my cause.
So i need to step up the game and make step by step changes that i see will be beneficial to help me achieve my goals.

with the coming of my birthday, it must be said that i haven't lived up to my own expectation.i demand less of myself and prefer to be in a state of mind where i called "the hippieland". a place where u don't bother to impress anyone including urself, a place where u live ur life as unproductive as u want, a place u called ur comfort zone. many fall backs in life has thought me to actually be tough, but i choose to rather be a nobody. i don't take good enough responsibility of myself as a son, and as a student.

at the coming of this age i hope to be different in the sense that i will drive myself for the better. to be more responsible for myself, and to have the desire to capture my goals and make myself proud.well this entry has deviate quite far from the title but it has somehow educate me effortlessly without me even realizing it.thats all for now, c u when im in the blues..

cloudy skies.

a few days back i had found out that one of my exes had recently underwent an operation.it was quite a shocker to me and i felt sad and sorry for what had happened.things happens for a reason and most definitely god has better plans for her.my prayers are with her and family.

ideas.

ive been thinking..hmm.i need to figure out things to write here.kesian blog usang ni.dah jarang update.im thinking of writing about food.mane la tau kot2 bole jadi food critic ke kan..haha! or maybe on holidays i should do a project,pick up a topic and write about it.interesting..hmm.

ive got a paper tommorow and yup, ive not read a single word from the text book.this is me being adly.hehehehehehehehehe!!!!its early in the morning and i just cant sleep just yet.so xdak keja,kta merapu la skett.

i miss singing with the boys la.paan,ajea,amar and iwan.lame siot xjam..rinduu harmonizing syiaall..this holidays need to get the boys together for a jamming session.musti musti!

i realize that the environment has change a bit this year.since most of my school frens are married or trying to get married,ktorg da jarang jarang lepak sekali.suddenly out of sudden!*ayat yg berulang disitu* flash back from the past..zzzzzzz!!!teringat aku zaman pak lebai dulu.zaman skola2,zaman g masjid,zaman ronda2 naik moto,zaman kedet,zaman nasyid..crazy!i was a nerdy back then.even so,i had good frens..still are my good frens.

speaking of one,my buddie 'klate' namenye, akan bernikah bulan 6 ni.haishh..happy for him,sedih for the kaki lepak group.abes la tinggal me,bob,and ikram je la.dulu ramai2,sorg2 kene cantas.abehh mappuuuhh~!! phases in life,just have to deal with it.

i think i better stop now.my writings are beginning to become weirder as i keep on typing.so,till then,takecare people..

oh!!! if u have suggestions on what i could probably write,please drop a comment or 2.. :)

outtttt!!

hidup

isu hati sering bermain dlm hidupku.. kadang kadang riang seperti mana kita lihat anak kecil bermain di taman bersama keluarga dan rakan..tp kadang kadang di dlm taman itu sendiri,kelihatan juga anak kecil yang duduk sendiri.berwajah sayu,berteman sepi.hidup ini ragamnya begitulah pada pendapat aku.adakala kita rasa gembira,adakala kita rasa sedih.adakala kita rasa penuh dengan cinta,adakala kita rasa kosong.hidup aku juga tidak lari dari ini semua.tidak lari dari masalah kehidupan yang mendewasakan.tahun ini pada bulan ogos tanggal 10 genaplah usia aku 26 tahun.aku toleh kebelakang masa, sekali sekala.aku lihat kanvas yang dulunya putih telah pon ku corakkan.penuh warna,pnuh makna.aku lihat di hadapan ku,ku lihat jalan yang ku atur dan berusaha untuk menuju.aku dalam keadaan buntu,namun aku harus berdiri teguh,utuh bak gunung yg tinggi melanggit.aku akui yang aku juga bisa alpa dan lemah,aku akui yang aku seorang penagih cinta..harus ku gagahkan kaki,utk terus berdiri.

ironiknya hidup ini berpusing pusing seperti bola. di tendang ke sana di tendang ke sini.bolanya terus bergolek dan tidak berubah rupa.itulah kehidupan pada aku.adakalanya kita mengabaikan org yg mencintai kita,adakalanya kita diabaikan org yg kita cintai.adakalanya kita mematahkan hati mereka yg mencintai kita,dan adakalanya juga..hati kita dilukai..aku keliru dalam apa yg tuhan aturkan untuk ku dalam hidup ini.dan aku mohon aku tidak akan hilang akal fikiran ku kerana mencari jawapannya.ada masa kita pertahankan apa yg kita percaya,tidak kira apa..semangat dalam diri harus ditajamkan,harus di asah dan di asuh supaya menjadi kebal.harus pintar mengatur langkah dan harus bersyukur walau dalam payah..

coretan ini sekadar pengisi masa.atas apa yang tersemat di hati,atas apa yg mengaburi minda.atas kelemahan ku dan atas kekuatan ku.aku masih mencari.lantas akan ku terus berlari..sekian dahulu dari aku,ku ikhlaskan kata kata cinta pada semua..salam.